Dr. Cheri Erdman,
Celebrant
Serving Greater Daytona Beach Area, Volusia County, and Central
Florida
Simple, Everyday Rituals for Families
by Dr. Cheri Erdman, Celebrant
Originally Printed in
The Island Voice
March/April 2008
When I was growing up our family had a
Saturday ritual: we all pitched in to help clean the house,
while Mom put on a big pot of chili for lunch. I can still smell
the freshly laundered sheets and taste the rich concoction of
tomatoes, onions, green peppers and beans. After the chores were
done, my brother and I walked to the movies while my parents got
some well-deserved time alone.
I looked forward to Saturdays all week
long – it was a family day that was different than the rest of
the week, a break in the routine, a working together, a way to
make a fresh start for a brand new week. I always felt more
connected to my family that day (a rare time when my brother and
I did not squabble!).
As a Celebrant, I now know to call this
a family “sustenance” ritual. A sustenance ritual adds
continuity and regularity to family life and is remembered and
treasured. It makes being part of a family a mindful experience,
rather than a routine experience.
Sustenance rituals are part of family
ceremonies that say “this is who we are” and “this is where I
belong.” They give family members the opportunity to express
themselves and help build trust, safety and working
relationships within the family unit.
Your family is probably doing a few
routine activities that can be turned into sustenance rituals by
adding intention and mindfulness: Building intention means
asking: For what purpose are we doing this? How can we make it
special? Mindfulness means we are deliberately and consciously
aware of what we are doing and why.
Here are some examples of everyday
family routines that can be turned into sustenance rituals by
adding intention and mindfulness:
Start
by having meals together several times a week. Then develop
mealtime rituals such as letting your children pick the menu
when at home, or choose a restaurant when you go out.
Holding hands before meals, with or
without words
Schedule simple family time each evening for a walk, a
story, a song or talking. Everyone takes turns choosing the
activity.
Bedtime
rituals such as good night hugs, or talking over what was
good about the day and why.
Using a
“talking stick” to help resolve conflicts. Each person gets
a chance to speak when he or she is holding the “talking
stick” – it is passed back and forth among the family
members. If you are not holding it, you listen.
Rituals
of charity or service – as a family decide what volunteer
work you’d like to do together.
There
is so much distraction pulling families apart –separate
schedules, overuse of technology to communicate, and very busy
lives. Families need meaningful ways to reconnect with each
other face-to-face. Building in sustenance rituals on a daily or
even weekly basis will remind your family that each of you is
important and that you can rely on each other, no matter what.
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